Note that I also sent the reading via the chat.
Write 1 paragraph: What idea in this essay did you find most interesting, and why? Include a direct quote from the essay and your analysis of it in your response.
Note that I also sent the reading via the chat.
Write 1 paragraph: What idea in this essay did you find most interesting, and why? Include a direct quote from the essay and your analysis of it in your response.
“It’s not about what someone can do for you, it’s who and what the two of you become in each other’s presence” - Ronald Sharp
ReplyDeleteI chose this direct quote from the story for two reasons, one being that I agree with what I understand from it, another is because I also slightly disagree. I agree in the sense that friendship should be more than what someone am do for you, I assume he means in a most superficial way, in a way that seems opportunistic. However, the bond that is created by more than one person in the same space, the third party/entity this creates, is one of the very things someone and their friendship can do for us. Later in the story, the famous vagus nerve is mentioned, and how in the presence of someone we trust stimulates this nerve and enables us to feel at ease. Well, to me, this is also another thing a good and true friendship can do for us. I believe friendship should be more than what we can perceive is bringing us good into our lives, making us better people, but all the things a real friendship can gift us is part of it. We live in a world with many others, we are part of many groups for different reasons, as humans we need interaction, we need to feel loved and accepted, we need to be challenged at times, grounded at others, we need to be heard and seen. These are not things to be shameful of for needing, it’s part of our basic necessities, not the only ones for sure and may not even be thoroughly enjoyed if one is not also comfortable with being an individual outside and aside of others, but it is and always will be a need. The thing is, not everyone can fulfill and provide that need for us. That’s where our part comes in, choosing to be a consistent part of someone’s life, and allowing others to be part of our lives, who are the best candidates for us? With whom do our souls feel at home with? With whom are we able to be our best and truest selves with?
Personally, it’s still a somewhat alien thought to me to think that something completely psychological can affect us in such a drastic way. For most of my life I’ve thought that everything that could be a deadly threat to us was physical or external, but this essay exposed to me something that I still have a hard time wrapping my head around and that’s the effect that our mental health can have on our general health. The part that stood out to me the most was the following:
ReplyDelete“Not only do the resulting feelings of loneliness and isolation increase the risk of death as much as smoking, alcoholism and obesity; you may also lose tone, or function, in the so-called smart vagus nerve, which brain researchers think allows us to be in intimate, supportive and reciprocal relationships in the first place.”
Obesity, smoking, and alcoholism are problems that in my mind have a very clear and visible impact on people. It affects your health in a very direct way. But loneliness, that one’s a lot subtler. You can’t really see it in anyone blatantly yet it’s also just as deadly as many of the biggest problems we currently face in society. It makes you wonder, just how important are relationships in our lives? - Adrian Jimenez
I think true friends are people that want to get to know you, people that enjoy your company and look for you. Of course it goes without saying that as a true friend we should do the same for them. "friends are people you take the time to understand and allow to understand you" (p2). This is exactly what a friendship should be, people that want to understand each other and enjoy spending time together. Sometimes I don't feel like some of my friends try to understand me, I don't stop being friends with them but I'm not close to them at all, of course I stop giving them as much attention as I give to friends that want to be close to me. I felt this quote and that's why I decided to choose it.
ReplyDelete"Not only do the resulting feelings of loneliness and isolation increase the risk of death as much as smoking, alcoholism and obesity; you may also lose tone, or function, in the so-called smart vagus nerve, which brain researchers think allows us to be in intimate, supportive and reciprocal relationships in the first place" (Murphy, 2016, para. 15). I found this quoted idea or statement from the essay as most interesting because it involves the study in one of the most beautiful areas of science: the neuroscience. I have never considered the connection between a friendship and the molecular effect it has on our brain, which from analyzing the quoted statement, makes a lot of sense. Everyone should and would like to have at least one true friendship in their life, so we instinctively go on this search since we were kids. Some people find it, some people don't. By not finding that true friendship, people start trying to fit in, deceiving themselves and staying with a person who in reality just isn't a real type of friend and doesn't make them any good. As explained in the chosen statement, this type of relationship has detrimental physical effects, specifically on our smart vagus nerve in the brain. By not maintaining a true and authentic friendship, we fail the use of this nerve in our brain. This explains why people who leave these unhealthy relationships and friendships show problems of distrust, intimacy, affection, and/or support, among others. All this shows the importance of educating people, especially teenagers, about what it means to have a true and, most importantly, healthy friendship in their lives. Regardless of the quantity, only the quality matters.
ReplyDelete-Angelys M. Rivera Hernández
20/sept./2021
Mr. Sharp said that the notion of doing nothing but spending time in each other’s company has, in a way, become a lost art and that has been replaced with texts and tweets. I found this interesting because technology has changed the world for good and bad, in the social aspect. The good thing about technology is that we get to talk with distant relatives or friends and we get meet new people that might become good friends in the future. The bad thing is that technology prevents us from going out and interacting with people because we get addicted to it and/or think is better to text. I think that technology prevents us from truly knowing a person, for example, when both of you are texting, you imagine what that person must really be like in person but when they see each other, they act in a way that you did not even imagine.
ReplyDelete-Jekxelmaniel Martinez
This reading was very eye opening for me. I believe one of the ideas that had the most impact for me was: “It’s not about what someone can do for you, it’s who and what the two of you become in each other’s presence.” This quote is talking about the power friendship can have between two individuals who genuinely want to be in each other’s presence without any ulterior motives. As the reading explains later on, people tend to have one or two very close friends with whom they are most intimate. And this made me think; who is that person for me? I instantly had the answer, my older sister. I can spend hours with her while being my genuine self and vice versa. We also don’t expect to receive anything from each other. The truth is that our relationship, apart from being sisters, is solely based on the fact that we create a comfortable environment for each other that allows us to develop as individuals while being together. Finally, this quote made me realize how important our friendship has been in shaping the kind of people we are today.
ReplyDelete- Alondra Acevedo Ortiz
I found Kate Murphy’s “Do Your Friends Actually Like You?” to be a fascinating read. I knew that people are shallow and the term “friends” for their benefit, but it was as jaw-dropping reading The studies recorded in the essay. The part that got me thinking is, “Show me your friends, and I will be who you are.” The more I think about it, the more I agree with the quote. The people you socialize with have a significant impact on your personality. People might say that’s not true. I’m my person, and to some degree, I agree, but the people you interact with daily that you call friends have a persona, qualities that you like to be around or have in common, and it’s common to mirror a friend’s action sometimes. This reading has shown me the importance of picking my friends wisely and thinking about whether they are my friends or using me for their benefit. It also taught me what type of friends I should be looking for and how to become a better friend.
ReplyDelete~Patrick M. Collins Villegas.
One of the sentences that really caught my attention was “But friendship requires the vulnerability of caring as well as revealing things about yourself that don’t match the polished image in your facebook profile or instagram feed,” located in the 13th paragraph. This generation y probably the ones that will come after, have the bad habit of posting "everything" that happens in their daily lives on social media; and I say "everything" because most of this time they are just sharing good moments. We all know that people and ourselves don’t post when we are feeling lonely, sick, sad, depressed, anxious or just in a bad moment. And they are two responses for that; one, people just don’t care about what’s happening in my life and will make fun of my current situation; and two, sometimes expressing our feelings can be a little hard. But that’s when real friends come in. They know when your feeling down and they don’t even have to ask how your feeling, they’ll just try to make you feel better. Feeling vulnerable is a feeling that does not please in certain situations, but feeling comfortable and vulnerable with someone, not feeling judged or judging, having the confidence to tell and listen to situations and moments in the life of another person in which it influences their way of thinking and acting; the simple fact of understanding an individual and vise versa. This situations are tough and not so pretty sometimes, So having a genuine soul as a friend, knowing that it will be there for you and you for her at any moment, being mutual and reciprocal no matter what happens, it is one of the pleasures of life that I hope each person can experience.
ReplyDelete-Alexandra N. Soto
The main idea that caught my eye is basically what I think the essay is about. The essay describes friends as people you take time to understand and allow them to understand. The quote that iI picked is: “Treating friends like investments or commodities is anathema to the whole idea of
ReplyDeletefriendship,” said Ronald Sharp, a professor of English at Vassar College, who teaches a course on the literature of friendship.What I analyzed about this quote is that friends are like an investment because you have to dedicate time to get to know that person since that is the only way we can be sure that a friendship is what we both want. After that quote, in the essay there is another quote that follows that one that says “It’s not about what someone can do for you, it’s who and what the two of you become in each other’s presence.” If the presence of that other person makes us feel happy or at peace then it is certain that a friendship is what is most likely to flourish. If I were to compare this quote with myself I would say that it is true, I dont want to be friends with someone I'm not willing to invest my time in because it would be a waste of time, that person needs to bring me joy or peace, and most important it needs to be someone I can trust.
"Friendship is more like beauty or art which kindles something deep within us and is appreciated for it own sake"
ReplyDeleteThis quote really caught my attention as it represents how true friendships are, which is as a art or something of beauty. Having friends is about making a connection with the other person and building a foundation of trust and love to one another. Making that connection means having someone you can rely on and that the other person can rely on you no matter what. That's what makes a friendship really special, the ability to have that connection with someone. Hence what says the quote that having a friendship is like a beauty or art and that's the way it should be. The connection with that person is what means to have a real friendship.
Don't forget to include your name somewhere in your post! :-)
Delete
ReplyDelete“People are so eager to maximize efficiency of relationships that they have lost touch with what it is to be a friend”. What this says we can see it in almost every friendship we have these days. What he meant was friends are people you take the time to understand and allow to understand you. That was the meaning of his quote but these days friendship isn’t based on that. For me people only focus in themselves and ignore how the other person can feel and ignore their problems and that is what a relationship should be about. Helping out your friend, being there, hearing their problems and loving them for who they are. We have so many friends but if you think about who of all of those are real and really care about you you can literally count them with one hand. I really enjoyed this essay because it’s something that we are leaving right now and we need to identify who are really out true friends.
Adriel De Jesus
Ronald Sharp stated "It's not about what someone can do for you, it's who and what the two of you become in each other's presence." (p.2). This brings to the table the fact that friendship goes far beyond what you can gain from it; it has to be mutual. Friendships are supposed to be genuine and mutual. This essay constantly states how easy it is to confuse and bend so liberally the term of friendship. Friends flourish in time and grow together when the relationship between the two is pure. Friends are almost like an extended family you choose, that's why you carefully. Although some friendships are meant to last a life time, others are not. Some just happen to help each other grow in that period of life, but that doesn't mean they are any less significant. We all serve a role in everyone's life, and friendships serve as a growing tool to mold us into what we are to become.
ReplyDelete"Do Your Friends Actually Like You?"
ReplyDeleteIn the essay "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?", by Kate Murphy, I found the following idea/quote extremely interesting:
"Treating friends like investments or commodities is anathema to the whole idea of friendship," - Ronald Sharp
To go in a deeper analysis, we live in a society today that is controlled by social media. The term "friendship" is seen simply as a symbol of status, power, happiness and in certain cases popularity. However, this means quite the opposite: consists of trust, vulnerability, etc. When analyzing the sentence above, we realize that many of the people we can consider as friends really are not (this situation being a tough one since it is difficult to determine if a friendship is not reciprocal). In addition to wasting your time with a person “wearing a mask”, people that experience feelings of loneliness can be physically affected. For this reason, it is important to be clear about both your value as a person and to be clear about the people around you, being in this case, your friends. Consequently, friendship is not related to the number of people, but to the quality of people.
- Amanda Quiñones Fussá
Kate Murphy’s “Do Your Friends Actually Like You” essay discusses the term of friendship and how people perceive the term, its context, and significance in their social lives. I consider it a sensitive and arduous topic since it encompasses most of our human relations and what ultimately makes us ourselves. The quote that I found most compelling in this essay was: “Some (referring to scientists who study this behavior) blame human being’s basic optimism, if not egocentrism, for the disconnect between perceived and actual friendships.” Human relationships have a crucial and essential role in our lives. They provide a safe space and company that will eventually mold our personalities and influence greatly in our lives. People can sometimes be so eager to not only find but keep a connection with someone else that they become closeminded. Both of the terms coined in this quote are connected and, like steps to obtain a whole, can lead to a greater outcome. Our mechanisms are designed to identify the best scenario and result to an idea or action. Despite who you are and how you execute it, you will always want to think you please and meet everyone’s expectations. Therefore, it becomes a dysfunctional cycle where one of the parties will be pleased with what they think might be and fail at communication to fix the relationship with the other party who most likely doesn’t feel a connection at all. In other words, one can easily be blinded by their own perspective of a relationship by means of optimism, which can eventually lead to egocentrism. What was once blindness becomes denial.
ReplyDelete- Pennélope Alers
“People don’t like to hear that the people they think of as friends don’t name them as friends.” -Alex Pentland
ReplyDeleteI chose this qoute dircetly from the article because it brings something that many people think. We always look to make the people we consider friends better, but we have a fear of hearing that we’re not important to them. Most of us think that if we give attention and love to a person, he or she will love us the same way. In reality, not everyone will like or love us the same way we do because everyone is different. This is one of the reasons why people have difficulties making friends and connections. We as a social being, care a lot of what the other person think about us and what they know about us. This quote makes us reflect of the implrtance we give on what our acquaintances think about us.
My favorite idea from this essay was the quote, “friends are people you take time to understand and allow to understand you”. I think this quote is more than certain. As you are developing a friendship, the time goes by and you are learning more about the person and how to be with that person. The person also does the same thing to you. He is learning more about you, and getting used to the way you are. If he likes the way you are, then he will probably end up deciding to be a friend. If one of the two does not like the other, then it did not work out, and both will have to continue with their lives. It is just the way it is, and it is the simple way process of establishing a relationship to end up deciding to have a friendship with a person or not.
ReplyDelete"But friendship requires the vulnerability of caring as well as revealing things about yourself that don’t match the polished image in your Facebookprofile or Instagram feed, said Mr. Nehamas at Princeton."
ReplyDeleteThe essay "DO your friends really like you?" has a certain air of questioning and confrontation that makes it so facinating, but this particular quote captured my attention deeply. When I read this part of the essay, I started to wonder about how many friendships are based on lies about how they want their friends to look at them, instead of showing themselves exactly how they are. Sometimes, we have some sort of "cowardly" way of being that makes us want to be wanted and accepted by who we consider "friends", which i think, sometimes, it makes us want to be anything that we may think they're going to like or accept, but occationaly, that way of being is nothing like the way we really are. I think true friendship is sharing your true self with your friend and, dispite your differences in your ways of thinking, you still support them, respect them, cherish them and love them and vice versa.
- Sailet Gomera -
I found this essay very interesting, as I had not read so many important points about friendship before. More specifically the idea that: “…People don’t like to hear that the people they think of as friends don’t name them as friends…” And it is totally true, many people are not ready to hear that they are not as important to their friends as they thought they were. Sometimes they prefer to sustain friendships with people who are not interested and end up being the ones begging for what little friendship they can get from that person. As I read it I was thinking about how terrifying loneliness can be for some people, they see it so dark that everyone runs away from it to the point of humiliating themselves to avoid being alone. Friendship is far from being a painful sacrifice, on the contrary, it is a relationship in which both people feel comfortable and happy spending time with that other person. A relationship of commitment and reciprocity, a bond that allows them to comfort each other and laugh when the occasion calls for it. Clearly, before offering our friendship to someone we must think that our own love must be complete, so that we can share it with the other, without falling into envy or resentment. A friend is a treasure that not everyone knows how to appreciate.
ReplyDeleteI actually liked this essay, and its not because it was short, but because it was very packed up with important points about friends and friendships. It really caught my eye that, I quote, "It is not a means to obtain higher status, wangle an invitation to someone's vacation house or simply escape your own boredom. Rather friendship is more like beauty or art, which kindles something deep within us and is 'appreciated for its own sake.'" by Alexander Nehamas. This line intriged me, because I think that friendship is more than just someone comes out winning out of it, its, as he said, something deeper, mor beautiful, of course, if its mutual the situation. Trust is something that isn't to come that easily, and because of it not coming as easy, it should be treated as a hard fought treasure, a treasure you don't want to lose.
ReplyDelete- Dariel Ruiz
In this essay I found most interesting when it states, “But the problem may have more to do with confusion over what friendship is” (Murphy, 2), For me this interesting because I have the same philosophy; and because there is a fine line between a real friend and an acquaintance. Most people do not know what a friend is and start calling “friend” to everyone they get along. In the encyclopedia Britannica it defines friendship as “a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people.” The problem is that many don’t know the key components of a friend instead they think that friendship is about talking every day and liking each other. This confusion and in a way, ignorance can lead to uncomfortable situations where one person gets too friendly with someone who only sees them as an acquaintance. Obviously, we can have some sort of affection to other people like being social or good to them because as humans we tend to bond with one another especially the extroverted people but that does not mean that a friendship is going on since it is missing other key components that define this, for example, intimacy is one factor, and both should feel comfortable to talk and/or to listen. To conclude this problem and confusion on what is a friendship is a reason some relations just do not work. Like I always say, friendship is a two-way street.
ReplyDelete-D. Padilla
“Not only do the resulting feelings of loneliness and isolation increase the risk of death” Does it mean that to be alive we need to be surrounded by other people who may or may not care about us truly? Some people find comfort in having so-called “friends'' just to say they are not alone or to not feel lonely. But is it worth it? Doesn't it hurt more to have fake people around? Just draining your energy and your mental health just to have what? 30 minutes of laughter until you come back to reality? But of course, not everyone is fake. There are real friendships out there, someone you can connect with. Someone who will actually listen to you. That's the person we all need to find. We do not need to be surrounded by people; we just need one human being to feel at peace. Some may debate that that human being is ourselves or some say that there is actually someone out there that we can vibe with. Since we are kids, we tend to call everyone our “friend” just because they choose to play with us. Now in reality a friendship is born another way, it may be out of social status, the feeling of saying “I'm surrounded by friends” when in reality, we are not. People tend to confuse the definition of friendship and “someone we know '', we may know a lot of people, but we may not have a connection with them. A friendship is not something we can force, it's something that must be born, something that when we least expect it, it appears. ‘’Mr. Nehamas said, friendship is more like beauty or art, which kindles something deep within us and is “appreciated for its own sake.” Friendships are supposed to be genuinely connections, something that just feels.
ReplyDelete